The four stages of Pride

Caption: 

Pride Fest Ditcher

Credits: 

Illustration: Ed Siemienkowicz

The ditcher

Your eyes roll at the thought of the corporate, Boystown-centric tomfoolery of Pride. You celebrate far from the masses and, thankfully, your options are plentiful. On Thursday 23, you hit Pride Night at Bucktown’s new Arts n Spirits (1921 N Damen Ave, 773-772-3877), a BYOB art studio where novices can paint and imbibe. On Friday 24, you may want to check out indie filmmaker Coquie Hughes’s new The Lies We Tell But the Secrets We Keep, about two women who get caught up in a dangerous love triangle, at the Portage Theater (4050 N Milwaukee Ave, 773-736-4050). You may also want to check out Naked July: Art Stripped Down, a festival of works celebrating the human body, staged annually at (4139 N Broadway, 773-327-7077; npt2.com) and kicking off Friday 24 this year to celebrate Pride.

On Saturday, you hoof it down to the South Shore for the annual Dyke March, where the heat is making the duct tape fall off your areolas. Later that day, you set sail aboard the Red Witch with Class “C” Entertainment at its annual Pride Cruise and enjoy complimentary apps and booze with 50 other women who love women. On Sunday, you stay put in cozy Andersonville and hit the BackLot Bash, a three-day fest featuring performers such as Catie Curtis, Edie Carey and Dot Dot Dot.

On Sunday, you spread out at Hollywood Beach (5800 N Lake Shore Dr) to enjoy the sun, surf and a gaygarita in your new mankini before hitting up the weekly gourmet barbecue at Scot’s (1829 W Montrose Ave, 773-528-3253) in Ravenswood, where you wind down your perfect weekend without a single rainbow-colored feather boa in sight.