Pride Parade makeover

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5. Stuff all the politicians in a clown car. The number of glad-handing politicos, many of whom we’ve never heard of or whose gay-rights ideology is murky, seems to multiply every year. We say cram ’em all in a clown car that stops periodically, allowing them to race out, shake some hands and jump back in. And how about they ditch the gray slacks and button-downs and show a little more skin? Who doesn’t want to see Pat Quinn in a Speedo?—Laura Baginski

6. Move to a new neighborhood each year. Chicago’s Dyke March has been on the go since 2008, when it left its longtime home of Andersonville to further its mission of bringing queer visibility to non-LGBT neighborhoods. Since then, it has made waves in Pilsen, South Shore and, on Saturday 23, Uptown. Is it pure fantasy to think we could get a half a million Pridegoers to line the streets of Canaryville or Budlong Woods? Yes. But what a sight it would be.—Jason A. Heidemann