Saddle up-springtime in Boystown is all about getting laid.
Ed. note: After throwing a hissy fit about “ethics,” our Gay & Lesbian editor left in a huff. (Drama queen!) So we drafted straight intern Ethan to fill in this week. How hard could it be to tastefully nail the gay scene, right?
There’s been a whiff in the air lately, and no, it’s not the scent of a freshly bleached anus. We’re talking about the arrival of springtime (a.k.a. horny season) in Boystown. Since temperatures aren’t the only things rising on Halsted Street these days, spring into action with our block-by-block guide to find your next trick.
Spin (800 W Belmont Ave at Halsted St, 773-327-7711) may have turned off the spigot on its shower contest, but that doesn’t mean this ’mo meat market is no longer getting us wet. The hottest boys on Halsted are still up for anything on What the F*ck Wednesdays. But be sure you avoid second Saturdays—lesbian night. Muff said?
Window shopping at the Halsted Street Multiplex Health and Fitness Club (3228 N Halsted St at Belmont Ave, 773-755-3232) is likely to get your motor running, so consider joining. Not only does membership have its privileges (wink, wink, steam room), but hitting those hamstrings hard this spring will guarantee your legs go as far back as he wants them to.
The stretch of pavement between Aldine and Roscoe is bar central, but figuring out which one is gonna land you a roll in the hay is harder than picking the perfect lube. We put our ears to the pavement, not to mention the loudspeakers, and decided that whichever one is blasting Janet Jackson’s new single, “Feedback,” is going to have our kind of guy.
Try your luck at Roscoe’s Tavern (3356 N Halsted St at Roscoe St, 773-281-3355), far and away the nicest bar in all of Boystown. The men here are pumped up, pimped out and younger than a fetus.
Is this some kind of joke? Yes, actually. The above was part of TOC's 2008 April Fool's issue. Read more about it here.