The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn—Part 2 | Spoiler alert

Robert Pattinson in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn—Part 2

Now that the Twilight series’ running time has ballooned well beyond that of Béla Tarr’s 7.5-hour Sátántangó, even nonfans might feel a twinge of marathon-viewing investment. If you’ve sat through four films, could a fifth be much more painful? Before it goes full-batshit, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn—Part 2 employs the same anti-dramatic cooing and catering-facility backdrops that made the rest of the franchise a minor chore. This time, Edward (Robert Pattinson) and his newly minted vampire bride, Bella (Kristen Stewart), must face down the Volturi, the undead law-keepers who believe the couple’s daughter, Renesmee, is immortal. (All immortal children must be killed, you see.) For backup, the Cullen clan summons cohorts from around the globe, making this the franchise’s equivalent of an Ocean’s film.

Are they all killed? Spoiler time! The Cullens and their minions confront the Volturi’s army in a frozen clearing; the lengthy battle decimates both sides. With decapitations and blood on ice, it’s the most Brueghelian action set piece since the opening of Gangs of New York. But it turns out it’s all a mirage—a vision induced by Ashley Greene’s seer vampire to convince Michael Sheen’s head Volturi (Volturus?) that killing little Renesmee would only lead to massive loss and tragedy. Including almost a full reel of action that turns out to be a fantasy is bush-league, less characteristic of The Twilight Saga than the immortal Jaws: The Revenge. (Available on VOD, DVD and Blu-ray Sat 2.)