Ten games. Just ten games into the 2013–14 NBA season and Derrick Rose was put back on a shelf. When the hometown hero comes back, he's going to be like Karl Urban in Almost Human (too early for people to get that cyborg leg reference?) and Greg Odom old. Perhaps this is commercial karma for building an entire sneaker campaign around "the Return." Well, at least we still have the Blackhawks.
10. November 18, vs. Bobcats Just 12 points, five assists. But, hey, at least we beat Jordan's cruddy team 86-81.
9. "Derrick Rose x Crusher" for Skullcandy Pretty sure they sell these headphones at Walgreen's, which does not rank high on my list of sources for high-fidelity audio. To add insult to injury, what is Rose bumping in this ubiquitous ad? Wale's "Back 2 Ballin'." Sigh.
8. November 11, vs. Cavaliers Cleveland's super guard Kyrie Irving has to dress up like an old geezer in his commercials. Our All Star actually has the knees of an elderly man. Take that!
Burning Bluebeard A few days after Christmas 1903, during a matinee performance of the extravagant holiday panto Mr. Bluebeard at the brand-new, “absolutely fireproof” Iroquois Theatre in Chicago’s Loop, 600 audience members perished in a fire. In Burning Bluebeard, an alternately wistful, sidesplitting and chill-inducing excavation first seen in a 2011 Neo-Futurists production and here remounted with the full original cast, six lightly singed members of Mr. Bluebeard’s company attempt to erase the tragedy by successfully completing the performance without going up in flames. Jay Torrence’s blazing breakdown of events cheekily blends moods and periods; under Halena Kays’s measured direction, the gags and dance numbers serve as a welcome balance to the horrific facts. Read Kris Vire's four-star review. Theater Wit. Dec 5, 6 at 7:30pm; Dec 7 at 3, 7:30pm; Dec 8 at 3pm. $18–$36.
"Carson Fisk-Vittori: Women Weed & Weather" Obvious statement: Human activities have wreaked significant havoc on the Earth's ecosystems. More and more artists, it seems, are exploring the Anthropocene—the informal term to describe our new geologic epoch in which humans have caused global and planetary change. In this exhibition, Fist-Vittori comments on the many failures of the Anthropocene by satirizing our current relationships with nature. In addition to sculptural objects and installation, the artist presents still-life photographs that resemble stock images—except they depict unlikely arrangements such as a snake in a paper towel roll and a cartoonish-looking smartphone centerpiece. Carrie Secrist Gallery. Through Jan 4.
Joffrey Ballet: The Nutcracker With designs that suggest a pop-up book come to life and choreography that honors both the narrative and Tchaikovsky's score, Robert Joffrey's 1987 Nutcracker (with contributions by Gerald Arpino) is among the country's best versions of the holiday ballet. The Chicago Sinfonietta provides live accompaniment, along with a children's choir, which performs in the lobby before curtain and during the intermission. Through Dec 28; visit joffrey.com for further details. Auditorium Theatre. Dec 6 at 7pm; Dec 7 at 2, 7pm; Dec 8 at 2pm. $31–$117.
What do you want for Christmas? Love? Family? The new iPhone 5s? We can't give you those other things, but we can give you these restaurants that will be serving up traditional and not-so-traditional Christmas Eve and Day meals.
RECOMMENDED: Christmas activities in Chicago
Christmas Day buffet (12:30–6:30pm)
PRICE: $150, kids 5–12 $55, kids 4 and under free
LOOK FORWARD TO: A seven-station worldly buffet including Asian, Mediterranean, sushi and dessert
Christmas Eve three-course dinner (5–10pm)
Christmas Day four-course prix fixe (2:30–8pm)
LOOK FORWARD TO: Soft-poached duck egg, lamb loin and sea scallops
Christmas Eve (5–10pm) and Day (3–10pm) three-course prix fixe
Just in case you didn’t overdo it on the booze front over the holiday weekend, here are your evening drinking plans: Sportsman’s Club, a forthcoming Ukrainian Village bar, is popping up tonight at Trenchermen.
The bar, the latest project from Heisler Hospitality (Trenchermen, Barrelhouse Flat), will be opening later this month, but you can preview the drinks tonight. The cocktail menu, by managing partners Wade McElroy (Trenchermen, Barrelhouse Flat) and Jeff Donahue (Aviary, Barrelhouse Flat), features stirred drinks like the Sportsman, with bourbon, amaro, tart cherry, angostura and absinthe, and a sour cocktail dubbed Grizzly King, with pisco, amaro, sherry, lemon and cinnamon-chicory. Plus, they’re bringing along the bar’s amaro machine, which will dispense blended amari on draft. And if you don’t want any of that, a shot of Old Grand Dad and a High Life is $5.
Trenchermen chef Pat Sheerin will be serving dishes made with game (a nod to the “sportsman” name).
The pop-up runs from 8–11pm and admission is free.
Poliça Fronted by Channy Moon Casselle, late of Twin Cities combo Roma di Luna, Poliça serves up smoky late-night grooves with Auto-Tuned android-lust vocals. The Bon Iver buddies deliver body-oiled trip-hop from their recent sophomore LP, Shulamith, fueled by two live drummers. Truly one of the most unique pop acts working today. Metro. Dec 5 at 9pm. $17.
Rubblebucket Free-ranging indie-dance-Afro-pop octet Rubblebucket hails from Brooklyn, and tonight plays in support of new EP, Save Charlie. The sugary junkyard disco act is criminally underrated. Probably because it is called Rubblebucket. Arcade Fire has clearly been taking notes. Lincoln Hall. Dec 7 at 9pm. $18, advance $15.
Vanilla Ace London's mysterious Vanilla Ace has been burning up Beatport charts with joyous deep house gems. The Brit is known to chop up Hall & Oates, drop in funky '80s synth lines. His Your Body EP plays like a leaner, meaner, cleaner Basement Jaxx. Primary has the pleasure of hosting his first night on U.S. shores. So say you were there first. Dmitry Lovebone, Keith Lotta and Gary Lacosta kick things off. Primary. Dec 5 at 10pm. $10–$12.
We Still Believe: Gunnar Haslam Shadowy NYC producer Gunnar Haslam operates in both static and motion. Some of his early recordings for Brooklyn label/collective L.I.E.S. sculpt with panic-attack synthesizers and industrial drum machinery. It's dark and beautiful shit, conjuring images of the tech-gothic dystopias of '80s cyberpunk novels. His more recent output, for Chicago's Argot imprint, like the ace "Bera Range," works harder to jack your body, shooting Vangelis synths over busy cyborg tribal rhythms, like if Autechre came from Brazil, not Britain. Smart Bar. Dec 7 at 10pm. $12, advance $10, with Facebook R.S.V.P. or student I.D. $7, before midnight $5.
Golf Clap These Detroit deep house newcomers keep it delicate and soulful on first single "Another Way." With a name like Golf Clap, the duo is definitely on a more sophisticated tip, with tongue certainly touching cheek. While the country club apparel might be in jest, the throwback grooves are no joke. "Another Way" adds scratches, smothered diva belting and popcorn keyboards to a tightly wound beat that happily bounces along the green. Primary. Dec 6 at 10pm. $8–$10.
Midnight Conspiracy: Rays of Ra Laser Light Show Midnight Conspiracy continues the underage-friendly raging, this time with an Egyptian-themed lasers-and-bass spectacular. LED foam sticks will be given at the door; "laser glasses" are available. Remember how people in the '70s would watch light shows in amphitheatres while listening to Pink Floyd? It's like that, minus the prog rock, plus a shit-ton of low end thunder and ecstatic dancing. Concord Music Hall. Dec 7 at 9pm. $10–$17; 18 and older.
Pete Tong + Derrick Carter Contrary to the movie title, Pete Tong is far from gone. One of the U.K.'s biggest club personalities, Tong has been broadcasting his Essential Mix on BBC 1 to thousands for more than 20 years. This guy's a legend, and he knows his stuff better than most—if you want to know what's sending dance floors into a frenzy, look no further than this guy. The Mid. Dec 6 at 10pm. $10, free with R.S.V.P. before 11pm.
Christkindlmarket Chicago Designed to mimic Germany's annual market celebration, the Loop replica returns for another year. Live entertainment, dozens of vendors selling miscellaneous handmade ornaments and classic food and drink—mulled spice wine, marzipan, schnitzel, stollen and strudel— are yours for the taking. Daley Plaza. 11am–8pm.
ART & DESIGN
"Caroline Picard: Divining Transhuman Space" Picard installed a series of colorful visual models and notes in the 9–5 office of Philip von Zweck (D Gallery) that engage with "the Anthropocene, the End Times and the limits of human imagination." You know, the usual stuff that adorns office spaces. (Hours by appointment.) D Gallery.
Chicagoland Toys for Tots Motorcycle Parade For 36 years, Toys for Tots has collected and distributed toys for the holidays. Check the website for drop-off sites and a list of in-demand, permissible, new and unwrapped gifts. Western Avenue from 87th Street to Addison. 9:30am. New parade members $15, renewing members $10.
The Nexus Project This two-man dance performance features Benjamin Wardell and Michel Rodriquez Cintra and seeks to redefine the two-man dance performance, or at least challenge the predictable structure. "Men dancing together is usually approached from the perspective of butch-man-dance or Brokeback Mountain–style homoeroticism," Wardell says. To keep things complex and compelling—while avoiding drifting off into something inaccessible and esoteric—12 choreographers from various dance backgrounds were tapped to collaborate on new material. Reservations are encouraged. Mana Contemporary. 5pm. Pay what you can ($5 includes a glass of wine).
What's your favorite thing you're wearing today?
My boots because I love boots. I love these ones specifically because they make me feel deviant.
What's the nicest thing someone's said about your style?
That it's very unique and not mundane.
How would you describe your style?
Probably goth with a trendy twist, meaning I like to wear all black with flowy clothes.
What's your favorite thing you own?
I have this Grim Reaper sweater with a huge hood that I can hide in.
Grant Park Turkey Trot Burn off all those calories you ate on Thanksgiving on this 5K Turkey Trot with a view of the skyline. Race participants get a free long-sleeve souvenir shirt. Grant Park. Noon–5pm. $45, advance $35.
Fortune Feimster Feimster cracks us up both live and on Chelsea Lately. She's physical, fearless and very funny. Zanies Rosemont. 7pm, 9:30pm. $30 plus two-item minimum.
Thousands bundled up and lined State Street on Thursday to gawk at the giant balloons, floats and high-school bands in Chicago's 80th Thanksgiving Parade. Among the 100 marching units were dozens of beloved characters: Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and the Hamburgler (natch, since Mickey D's sponsored the procession); Santa and Mrs. Claus; the pilgrim turkey balloon; Budweiser Clydesdales pulling a carriage; stormtroopers and other Star Wars characters. Parade volunteers forced the oversized balloon cartoon characters (including Garfield, Taz and Tweety) into a delicate limbo under the Loop's El tracks. Photographer Crystal Garcia headed downtown to capture all the T-Day action.
Chance the Rapper is having a hell of a year. Obviously, the 20 year old scored the extremely prestigious TOC Reader's Choice award for best new local act. But it goes well beyond that. Chancelor Bennett released his second mixtape, Acid Rap, to wide acclaim. It'll likely show up on a bunch of year-end lists. But critical acclaim doesn't quite excite like selling out two nights at the Riviera Theatre in your hometown. On the first evening of his 2013 victory lap, Chance hit Uptown for a wild Black Wednesday celebration. The South Sider served up Acid cuts, as well as some new material and his, er, Coldplay cover. Old school Chicago speed-spitter Twista, a cult MC who pops up on the new Lady Gaga, jumped onstage, too. Will Chance follow that veteran's career path, or does the kid have a shot at following in the footsteps of Common and Kanye? Stay tuned in 2014. First, there's the business or another sold-out gig at the Riv tonight.
Wonderland Express The holiday mood will fill your spirit when you visit the Botanic Garden's 10,000-square-foot model train exhibit, which runs through some 80 itty-bitty city monuments amd features a replica of the Stanley Cup. Outside, more than 750,000 twinkling lights dazzle the gardens. Chicago Botanic Garden. 10am–6pm. $10–$12, kids and seniors $8–$10, kids under 2 free.
Guy Gerber An Israeli transplant to L.A., Guy Gerber went through a reinvention last year. Once leaning toward the progressive side of things—which impressed big shot John Digweed enough to get a few of his tracks signed to Digweed's Bedrock label—Gerber now exists in the murky indie-techno realm, penning emotive dance tracks for his contribution to the Fabric mix series in 2012 and carrying that on to subsequent release for his Supplemental Facts label. That's what's on display at this Black Friday shindig. Spy Bar. 10pm. $20, advance $15, free before midnight with R.S.V.P. at clubtix.com.
Funny Ha-Ha Claire Zulkey's humorous reading series returns, with pieces by Claire Mulaney, Samantha Irby, Shannon Cason, Robbie Telfer and Amy Sumpter and film shorts from Steve Delahoyde. Hideout. 6:30pm. $5.
Lissie For our money, Lissie (above) gives a better update of slick Stevie Nicks pop than the overly mannered and rather soulless Haim. Working with Jacknife Lee on her sophomore Back to Forever, the Illinois native adds an '80s sheen to her driving rock tunes that can go over in Laurel Canyon or Lincoln, Nebraska. Against all the polish, the 30-year-old carries just enough rasp to let you know she's lived these tough-luck tales outside the studio. Local teen quartet Purple Apple opens. Park West. 7:30pm. $20, advance $18.
McDonald’s Thanksgiving Parade Pilgrim Garfield returns to State Street. The 30-foot cat in the hat is joined by Tom & Jerry, Arthur and a fleet of cartoon balloons. Catch them and specialty units including the Jesse White Tumblers, a couple dozen marching bands and floats at the annual procession. Homebodies can watch the parade live on TV. WGN broadcasts. State St from Congress Pkwy to Randolph St. 8–11am.
Marco Carola Dance off that turkey dinner. A frontrunner on Italy's techno scene, Napoli's Marco Carola has spent the past 20 years broadcasting his vision of music to the world, most notably through his involved, three-turntable style of mixing and his lauded marathon sets. It's been a while since he touched down in Chicago, so here's your opportunity to catch the stuff of legend, up close and personal. Spy Bar's Dino G warms up the night. Spy Bar. 10pm. $20, free before midnight with R.S.V.P. at clubtix.com.
Here's what Time Out's film critics are saying about this week's new movies:
"Fans of the first Oldboy are going for an action scene involving a hammer and several unlucky skulls—that’s here, but I’ll take [Spike] Lee’s desperate bike chase through Chinatown over it."— on Oldboy
"This one’s Jason Statham's Cobra. (Sylvester Stallone even wrote the dopey, bring-back-the-’80s script, from Chuck Logan’s crime novel.)"— on Homefront
Whether you're trying to catch a (probably delayed) flight home to see your family for Thanksgiving or just want to get a jump start on your Black Wednesday party plans, there's a little website that can help. Happyhourvirus.com gives your computer the illusion of being broken without causing any real harm. Choose the appropriate screen of death for your computer, throw your hands up in frustration, mutter something about how this is "just your luck" and walk out the door and straight to the bar for a boozy winter cocktail. Then on Monday morning just hit the escape key and get back to work. You're welcome.
While you can find a precut Christmas tree in just about any supermarket parking lot, nothing says Christmas more than heading outside the city to cut down your own tree. It's fresher, you can be pickier, it smells great and it gives you an excuse to leave the city. Here's a round-up of where you can chop down a tree this holiday.
RECOMMENDED: Christmas activities in Chicago
Ben's Christmas Tree Farm With a selection of pines, spruces and firs, you can use the farm's twine and saws, enjoy a wagon ride into the field, and cut down your perfect tree. The staff will then assist you in wrapping and attaching the tree to your car's roof. $6–$8.75 per foot. Cash or checks only. 7719 Ryan Rd, Harvard, IL (630-279-0216). Nov 29–Dec 22 (Fri–Sun), 9am–4:30pm.
Bengston's Christmas Trees Choose from ten varieties of firs, pines or spruces and enjoy a hot chocolate with fresh mini doughnuts by the fire while your tree is shaken and wrapped for its safe travel home. $7–$10 per foot. 10919 W Wilmington Rd, Peotone, IL (708-258-9610). Nov 29–Dec 22, every day from 9am–4:30pm.
Honeybee Acres Choose your tree, enjoy breakfast in the "Reindeer Cafe," and take a photo in Santa's sleigh at this family-run tree farm. You can also sip on one of its 13 hot cocoa flavors. With only nine available days and super affordable prices, we suggest you get there quickly. Pines $29, firs/spruces $49. 41W072 Bowes Rd, Plato Center, IL (847-464-9627). Nov 29, Nov 30; Dec 1; Dec 6–Dec 8; Dec 13–15. 8:30am–4:30pm.
Ide Christmas Tree Farm With more than 35 acres and 45,000 trees to choose from, you can be sure to find the perfect spruce or pine for your living room. All trees $65, no credit cards. 1500 83rd St, Downers Grove, IL (630-743-4032). Nov 29–Dec 22. Mon–Fri, 10am–4pm. Sat–Sun, 8:30am–4pm.
Lee's Trees Choose from pines, firs or spruces at this small choose-and-harvest tree farm. Those who come to Lily Lake can enjoy free hot chocolate, popcorn and homemade hookies. Average tree $65. 45 Lees Rd, Maple Park, IL (630-365-2116). Nov 29–Dec 22. Fri, 1–5pm. Sat, Sun, 9am–5pm.
Oney's Enjoy a horse-drawn carriage ride into the 60 acres of more than nine varieties of spruce, pine and fir trees. Guests will then return to the festival area to see Mrs. Claus and can enjoy lunch in the barn or just inhale some hot cocoa and cinammon rolls. Price based upon size. 16609 Rt. 14, Woodstock, IL (815-338-4108). Nov 29–Dec 15. 9am–4pm.
Puckerville Farms Just a short 40-minute drive outside of the city, this farm offers pre-cut Frasier firs ranging from four to 12 feet. Prices based upon size. 13332 Bell Rd, Lemont, IL (708-508-0906). Nov 29–Dec 24. 10am–7pm.
Richardson Farm Nosh on fudge after all your hard work cutting down your spruce, fir or pine tree while it's shaken and baled for your trip home. Guests will also enjoy hot chocolate and coffee and a heated sales barn. $29–$59. 9405 Richardson Rd, Spring Grove, IL (815-675-9729). Nov 29–Dec 23. 9am–6pm.
Tamentreeberry Farm Choose from five varieties of trees and feel free to pack a picnic to enjoy before heading back into the city. $50. 37131 Essex Rd, Wilmington, IL (815-458-6264). Nov 29–Dec 22. 8am–4:30pm.
Ziegler Come by and choose your Christmas tree, or maybe adopt a dog? Chicagoland Dog Rescue will be on site most days with available pooches, cider and other Christmas treats while you pick the perfect tree. $39–$69. Cash or checks only. 42W109 McDonald Rd, Elgin, IL (847-464-5776). Nov 29-Dec 1; Dec 7, 8.
A 57-foot-tall Colorado blue spruce unearthed from South Holland had the honor of giving its life to be the Daley Plaza Christmas tree during the 100th annual tree lighting ceremony yesterday. (Fun fact: The city's first Christmas tree was lit in Grant Park in 1913 by Mayor Carter H. Harrison.) Check out our photos, and keep your eye out for the black cat dressed in a sweater.
RECOMMENDED: Christmas activities in Chicago