Aerosmith + Beck | Tracks

“Legendary Child”
Aerosmith

The old Aerosmith is back! By which I mean Aerosmith is decrepit and in our lives, again. “Legendary Child” recycles every trick from its ten (yes, ten) greatest-hits collections. It’s an oversweetened trifle of “Sweet Emotion” harmonies, backwards guitars, ballad fireworks and the riff from Led Zep’s “The Wanton Song.” No clue what the title means, but it’s punchier than “Sweet Dude in the Saddle (Looks Like A Rag Doll in the Elevator).” Steven Tyler is now an utter loon, a mummified hybrid of Carol Channing and Pepé Le Pew. The 64-year-old rasps about sex at 17, the Taj Mahal, sticks and stones breaking bones and Mary Jane. He rhymes “golden fleece” with “pipe of peace.” These are lyrics scribbled on a jet from the American Idol set in the blank spaces around garden knickknacks in a SkyMall catalog. No shit, Tyler pauses in song to catch his breath and ponder, “I think what I’m trying to say is…” The temporary dementia does eventually lead to one mot juste:

“I want to have it all.”