Mike Posner - The Pains of Being Pure at Heart | Song reviews

“Bow Chicka Wow Wow”
Mike Posner feat. Lil Wayne

When Mike Posner brings a girl to orgasm, she sounds like the solo from the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Under the Bridge.” Or so I gather from the frat-boy’s latest ballad. The dorm-room crooner leads into a schlocky guitar bit with, “I’ma make you sound like…” Not only is the subsequent, Slowhandish finger-noodling a real mood killer, it sounds nothing like “Bow Chicka Wow Wow.” In fact, the wah-wah porn-soundtrack sounds that give the slow-jam its onomatopoeic title are nowhere to be found. That’s false advertising—not to mention half as erotic as the bucka-bucka-neer-neer of Erykah Badu’s “Bag Lady.” And that tune compared a woman to the homeless. As a sex anthem, this is comically amateurish. Perhaps it’s because a persistent bubbling noise brings to mind Spongebob. Perhaps it’s due to Posner plugging Red Bull in his nasal falsetto. Maybe it’s Lil Wayne, offering the 54 laziest words to ever drool out of his mouth. The Duke alum wants to make March Madness in your pants, but is as romantic as filling out brackets.