“I Can Transform Ya”
In the opening shot of Chris Brown’s first post-felony video, a sleek European sports car speeds into the frame and transforms into the R&B star. You’d like to think it symbolizes the 20-year-old’s maturation since a domestic-violence incident (he beat Rihanna in a rented Lamborghini, remember), but really he’s just ripping-off Michael Bay’s big, stupid space-robot blockbusters. You were expecting atonement?
Brown’s hardly even on the track. This is Lil Wayne’s bugged-out vehicle all the way. Over double-Dutch clacks, referee whistles and Optimus Prime gargles, the delightfully loony rapper spits Hasbro-inspired lines like, “Because her form / Puts me in a trance / I transform smaller and she puts me in her pants.” Rihanna’s ex just sings choruses with his competent, unremarkable croon. Brown has nothing to say beyond reminding women he’s really ridiculously rich. Chris, this was where you were supposed to make us like you.