Top Chef: Texas, episode 6 recap: "When I grow up, I want to be a saucier" and other tales from the land of steak
First disclosure: I have not seen the last few episodes of this show and am haplessly filling in for Top Chef addict Novid Parsi. Second disclosure: Someone asked me last night why I would even to bother to try writing a recap of Top Chef when it could not possibly be as good as Max Silvestri's. Fine, you all win! But here is what happened:
The scene: Chuy is gone. A guy with a drawl who is the dean of a cooking school tells everyone to make a sauce. "It's the item that gives the WOW to the dish," he drawls. "If I could pick anything to do for the rest of my life, it'd be to be the saucier," says one of the non-Chicago contestants (see first disclosure above). At this point it is maybe two minutes into the show and Heather Terhune begins terrorizing Beverly Kim. "Bev always cooks Asian," sayeth Heather, who always cooks American. "If I were the judges, I'd be bored." Game is on.
The bloodshot eyeliner woman and a couple other contestants come out on the bottom, and Grayson wins. Padma tells everyone they have to cook a four-course steak dinner for 200 guests. The winner gets a Toyota Venza. "You can check it out on the way to Whole Foods," says Padma. The world of sponsorships simply cannot fold in on itself any deeper.
Prep for the dinner begins. Edward Lee, who is by all real-life accounts an exceptional chef, as far as I can tell seems entirely beleagured by the brutality of this show and takes the first jab at Mean Girl Heather. "At some point, she is going to have to stop repeating the same recipe and actually cook," he says of her intention to repeat the genoise (?) recipe she learned from him in a previous episode. Ouch! Everyone get in the Versa.
But a Versa is a dream Moto Chris is too beaten down to even dream of. "Man, I would like to win anything. Just like two dollars," he says hopelessly. Moto Chris, you can do it!!!
Okay so morale is very low. Heather keeps ragging on Bev. Then the Brooklyn guy stabs himself in the finger. ZOOM IN ON THE DROPS OF BLOOD. There is a random blonde girl I haven't noticed for the whole episode. (See disclaimer.) They go to some place called Southfork Ranch. The bloodshot eyeliner woman tells it like it is: "Heather is the most obnoxious woman I think I've ever met. She's a total bully in my opinion." It's 112 degrees. But Brooklyn guy is extremely Brooklyn and he is going to "mark" these steaks with his bare hands if he has to. Meanwhile, Heather walks around saying, "Bev, I honestly think you could have done more." Could the Top Chef producers have found themselves a finer villain?
Heather, Moto Chris and a non-Chicagoan land in the top three. Moto Chris has an LOL haircut, but I still decide to root for him to win. He just wants two dollars! Heather wins. She walks into the room of people who just want to die and says, "Anyone want to ride in my new car!?" Whitney, Ed, and the Brooklyn guy are on the chopping block. The judges are very UNDERwhelmed. Whitney, who made a sad-looking gratin, goes home. The end. UNTIL NEXT WEEK.