Bus: 49 Western, 152 Addison(773) 404-815641.948346 -87.687902 3655 N Western Ave (between Addison and Waveland Aves) Roscoe Village, Chicago
Mon–Fri 11am–2am; Sat 11am–3am; Sun 11am–midnightAverage cocktail: $4
This self-proclaimed bikini bar could best be described as a poor man's Hooters, but instead of having an owl as a mascot, it's chosen (egads!) a crab. Surprisingly, it isn't as tawdry as you'd expect, although it could stand to lose the plethora of beer-company swag hanging from every inch of the place. If you don't have the balls to go to a real strip club but still want to ogle some ladies, you could do worse. And with the thin crowd most nights, you're highly unlikely to be spotted by anyone you know.