Ask Debby Herbenick | Proper condom fit, big nipples and booty calls

Q Well, I got the courage to ask. Here it goes: I have a very small and thin penis. Most condoms do not appear to fit snug enough. I would hate to sacrifice safe sex. Please help.
A Great and necessary question! Standard condoms do a good job of fitting most men well enough that they stay on and are comfortable enough. However, they are not well-suited to fit all men’s penises. Several years ago, our research team conducted a study about condoms that came in 55 sizes. We found that size mattered not only in terms of comfort and fit but also in terms of safety (breakage and slippage issues)—particularly for men in the middle and larger size categories. Though that brand of condoms is no longer available (they were called TheyFit condoms), the Coripa condom also comes in 55 sizes and is available through condomania.com, where you can also peruse other brands of “snugger fit” condoms that may help you feel more confident with your condom. This isn’t a trivial issue: It’s important that the condom stays on so you and your partner can be protected. It’s also important that it feel secure on your penis so you can have sex the way you want to: likely, with abandon.

Q My girlfriends and I were out at the Purple Pig the other night and got stuck at a communal table with some guys who were talking about girls they’ve hooked up with. One of them was going on and on about some girl whose nipples were really big and how “gross” it was. At one point I must have made a face or else they just realized they sounded like dicks saying these things while seated by three women, and they awkwardly changed the subject. My question: Do men really think women with large nipples are “gross”? And if so, must they have rigid standards for every single one of our body parts?
A Love me some Pig—and its communal tables, too. But I wouldn’t have been a fan of a conversation that made it sound as if women with large nipples are gross. For one thing, nipples are moving targets because bodies change. Nipples change significantly when women become pregnant; they often darken and grow larger. And if you have a third nipple? Look out! That, too, may grow larger during pregnancy. Pregnancy isn’t the only thing relevant to nipples, however. We women simply have a lot of variety when it comes to our nipples. They come in many different sizes, can be light or dark, perky or kind of flat, and so on. It may be that these guys were just being ridiculous. I imagine most of us have said things we weren’t sincere about when we were sitting around and laughing with our friends. Sometimes we’re not our best selves. That said, some men have nipple preferences just as some women have preferences for penis size, penis bend, penis color, and the size and shape of men’s scrotums, chests, arms and so on. There’s a difference between what one prefers and what one sees as necessary to be “not gross.” Fortunately, many men love women and all of our many parts, including what makes us unique. I hear far more often from body-appreciating men and women than those who are super rigid about very specific body issues. Personally, I wouldn’t spend time worrying about that guy’s comments. Love your nipples and strut your stuff when you get naked!

Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., M.P.H., is a research scientist at Indiana University, sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Send letters to Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., c/o Time Out Chicago, 247 South State Street, 17th floor, Chicago, IL 60604, or send e-mail to inandout@timeoutchicago.com.