Appetite for seduction
Chicagoans speculate on how seemingly innocent foods could be beneficial in the bedroom.
Matt, 23 (from left)
Clark Street between Newport Avenue and Addison Street
Would you guys rather have an amazing meal or amazing sex?
M I’m definitely the wrong guy to be asking about this because I’m overweight.
B I’d definitely have to go with the sex.
D I’d go with the food, because if it’s good you can’t get it again. But you can get a repeat on a sexual act.
B But what if you’re going through a stretch in your life when you’re not having sex?
D I can’t fathom that happening.
M What if you just get with the chick and she’s just rockin’ your world?
D That could happen.
M What if she makes you the greatest meal in the world, then gives you the greatest sex?
In that sense, then dating a chef would be…
Would you then work sex and food into the bedroom?
M Immediately. As soon as possible without being too pushy.
B But it’s going to be mundane to the chef. They spend all day cooking; they’re not going to get turned on by it. You don’t want to taint your profession with your bodily fluids.
M Why not?
B Let’s say you do have the great sex—usually you’ll be hungry after that and you’ll be thinking of the great meal. But if you have the big meal and you’re eating a lot of food, afterward, you’re not going to want to have sex. Usually, when I eat too much I don’t want to have sex; I want to take a shit.
D Food satisfies that basic urge to be mothered. I’ll put up with a girl’s personality if she’s making me food and she lets me just sit and watch Curb Your Enthusiasm reruns—that’s a relationship I’d like to be a part of.
In your past sexual endeavors, have any of you worked food into the bedroom?
B Fluff! This was [with] my Czech girlfriend. They don’t have Marshmallow Fluff or peanut butter over there, so I worked peanut butter and Fluff into a new kind of sandwich that I never might’ve made otherwise.
Was the Fluff a, uh, means to an end?
B You want me to get graphic? Said Fluff was used in fellatio. I put some Fluff on there and it tasted better for her. She wanted to keep at it.
D The way you sort of trick them with the Fluff is that they finish with the Fluff and they’re like, “Oh, there’s a penis here. Well, I’m already down here.”
M She’s thinking, Maybe there’ll be more Fluff.
I have some props here and was hoping you could get creative and say how they might be utilized in the bedroom. A cucumber?
D Beat her face with it. Some girls are into the rough stuff.
M I’d cry if she pulled that out, actually.
What about this pineapple?
D You cut a hole in the pineapple, heat it, then you fuck the pineapple and tell the girl to go make a meal. It’s a little misogynistic, but…[ Laughs]
B Then if the meal had pineapple in it afterward…
D That’d be weird.