Threesome sex
One reader's first experience with a menage a trois.
Photograph by Sean Williams; Models: Lady Jack, Rachel Cortes
Female, 33, Lakeview
As cliché as it sounds, I went a little crazy the year I turned 30. It was all about new experiences, so when my hetero online personal ad drew a response from a married couple, I actually read their note rather than junking it immediately. M and T were seemingly average suburban parents who were very interested in bringing another woman into bed. The problem was that she seemed to want a BFF more than a lover, and they both wanted something ongoing, which I didn’t. Still, I had always wanted to try a threesome, so I threw on my Bad Idea jeans and made for the suburbs.
They asked me about a million questions when we met, and some weird tic made me lie about almost everything—from my job right down to my name. Maybe it was because I didn’t want them looking me up after that night. Regardless, she picked up on it and wasn’t as friendly as she’d been on the phone, but he was into it enough for both of them. As soon as the clothes came off, he took charge in a big way. They had told me he was the dominant partner, but I still wasn’t prepared for it. He directed us through the whole night as if it were choreographed in his mind—what to do, how to kiss, etc. The turn-on for him seemed more in being the puppet master than in actually watching me with his wife. At some point, I started to just focus on him, because things with T were so awkward. (I think she even got up to fold laundry at one point.) The sex with M was intense and felt fantastic, but there were obviously so many issues between the two of them that I couldn’t wait to get out of the house. As I was contemplating my exit (“Thanks, bye!” didn’t seem appropriate), he stroked my head in his lap and told me his dream was “to have lots of wives just like that guy on Big Love.” Suffice to say, I haven’t dressed that quickly since high-school gym class.
M e-mailed me a few days later and said he’d had a great time, but T wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t write back. While I don’t regret the threesome decision, I greatly regret the choice of partners. No sexcapade is worth some suburban dad thinking he’s gonna make you his Margene.
FIRST TIMER’S TIPS * Determine ground rules before everyone gets pantsless, especially if there’s an established couple involved. If there are places you’re not allowed to touch, taste or look at, do yourself a favor and find out before things get ugly. And if you’re even remotely the jealous type, a ménage isn’t for you. * Group play isn’t as easy as it looks! Even if logic tells you that movies or porn have been staged and edited to look effortless, it’s easy to have unrealistic expectations. In reality, throwing that many people with all their moving parts and sexual agendas into a sweaty melee makes for some awkward moments. * Remember to take turns. And do it in the biggest bed possible.
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