"I'm Not That Woman"
It seems to me that there are a lot of assumptions made by the writer of a blog I found recently, Baggage Reclaim. I don't like some of her language -- for example, I dislike the idea of women having to negotiate our "value", because I think that idea plays into a lot of really terrible societal ideas about women in general -- e.g., that awful stereotype about how us women are all "manipulative gold-diggers" at heart.
However, I generally like her approach, which focuses on helping people get out of relationships where their needs aren't being met. And believe me, I'm all for encouraging people to get out of relationships where their needs aren't met! So it seems like she and I have very similar goals, but we're working within different paradigms.
Mostly, she seems to address women who feel pressured to act in ways that don't work for them because they're afraid of losing a man. Here's a post she recently wrote called Im Not That Woman: An Ode For Every Woman Who Has Loved, Lost and Forgotten Her Value:
Set your own standards and determine your own value. It doesnt matter what everyone else does it matters what you do. If everyone else has done it and its not exactly worked out for them, why repeat their relationship insanity? Its not about what other people are comfortable doing its about what youre comfortable doing and a lot of women spend their time doing stuff theyre uncomfortable with because theyre afraid that if they dont, theyll lose. Youre losing anyway. Never make it easy for someone not to have come up with the basics of love, care, trust, and respect in a relationship.youre not that woman.
I dont care if one thousand women have gone before me and theyve all had sex with you on the first night or whenever you chanced your arm for it -- Im not those women.
I have sex when I feel comfortable and if that time happens to be when I feel more confident about where I stand with you and the values, qualities, characteristics that you possess, youll have to deal with it, or go back and have sex with one of the women that make it easier for you.
I dont care if youre used to corresponding by texts and emails and every other woman has put up with it -- Im not those women.
I dont care if youre used to disappearing and then coming back with little or no hassle. If you disappear on me, youd better stay disappeared!
I dont care if your ex didnt mind if you wouldnt hold her hand in public and didnt mind that youre not affectionate -- I do mind.
Relevant posts on my personal blog:
* There is no should and the sex-positive agenda