A longtime poly woman and her anxiety about a poly husband
A sweet story about a woman who has had an open relationship with her husband for a long time ... but she's been the only one having other relationships, while he just started his first. And she's dealing with lots of anxiety ... but it sounds like she's doing pretty well nonetheless! I was most interested by her philosophizing at the end of the tale:
Non-monogamy is not more enlightened than any other conscious choice one makes in their life. I think that CHOOSING monogamy is better than just blindly accepting societal standards, but I am a believer in making fully aware decisions on everything in life. I see the positive sides to monogamy, especially now that I am not the totality of my husbands sexuality. I had been struggling for years to help him see that, but it was threatening. I had literally been the one for so long that the idea of someone else peeing on my tree (hey! Dont you judge me!!) shook me. It shook me so hard that it made me realize that my idea of us together forever based on love was bullshit.
We are together because we CHOOSE to be. And it is a choice we make every day of our lives. My husbands monogamy allowed me to live with the illusion that I was a special snowflake to him, based on nothing more than his lack of fucking other snowflakes. But now, it is about us, not fucking. When fucking is not THE tie that binds us together, we have to examine what IS. Why am I with him? Why is he with me? What do we bring to each others lives? What is the unique connection that he and I share?
To be honest, I am scared to death. I feel a bit like I am tempting the fates. But I dont believe in fate. I believe in choice, responsibility, and trust. And I know that know matter WHAT the future brings, I can handle.
Non-monogamy gave me the chance to choose my husband again and again. And I trust him enough to let him make that same choice.
Relevant posts on my personal blog:
* You dont always know what youre thinking