Keeping up appearances

Bag gag order

Maybe some store somewhere sells brand-new gift bags, but I’ve never encountered a gift bag without frayed edges and grimy handles. Nothing says “I care about you” like packaging with 1997-era neon-teal stripes. And nothing says “I took the time on your unique gift because there”s only one glorious you, and you’re worth it’ like tossing a last-minute purchase into—the worst offenders—those glossy metallic bags, which clearly display Little Timmy’s grubby fingerprints from last year.

But here’s what’s really at stake: the guilty pleasure of ripping that wrapping paper apart. Your loved one (okay, or someone your loved one paid) took time to dress that gift. And in three seconds flat, you’re going to tear that hard work asunder. When I give a gift, I want the recipient to feel that “oh, it”s too pretty to open’ pang of remorse—just before giving into the childlike urge to tear the wrapping paper to shreds.— Novid Parsi

A bad wrap

Howler monkeys, three-toed sloths and other adorable creatures of the ever-shrinking rain forest: Cover thine ears, lest you perish from sorrow upon hearing Novid’s argument for killing more trees just so he can carelessly wrap baubles with snowflake-emblazoned paper. And for what reason? Because he wants his friends to experience the fleeting joy of “tearing the wrapping paper to shreds”? For shame.

That’s why I recycle every gift bag I receive to use for future gifting. Does that mean friends will occasionally get Christmas presents from me in a bag that says CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT? Perhaps. But at least I know I’m not alone: Google gift bag organizer and you’ll find countless sites that offer—get this—a bag that organizes your gift bags. So, Novid, ditch the wrap and hop on the bagwagon with my fellow cheap, er, environmentally conscious brethren. The monkeys will thank you.— Laura Baginski

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