Domestic blast

Photo: Photofest NYC

Just because you’re staying in this weekend doesn’t mean you can’t party as hard as if you had gone out. And consider the things you’ll miss: no trying to hail a cab, searching for a parking spot, traversing snow drifts or talking to annoying people in a crowded bar. This weekend, it’s all about boozing it up with the people you love (and that includes just you by your lonesome). And nobody will think less of you if you decide to go to bed at 11pm.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

• Party of the Century: The Fabulous Story of Truman Capote and His Black and White Ball by Deborah Davis ($15.95, Borders, locations throughout the city, borders.com)
• Aspirin
• The Shining on DVD ($29, Borders)
• Red food coloring
• Rubi Rey Reserve rum ($20, Binny’s, 213 W Grand Ave, 312-332-0012)
• Sugar
• Board games

FRIDAY

7pm After a tough week at work, it’s time to get out of office mode by ordering in some booze and comfort food. Leona’s (locations throughout the city, leonas.com) delivers both. To get into that party spirit, stick with grazing food like the bruschetta ($7.95 for roasted vegetable, $8.95 for fresh tomato), the Cajun fried shrimp ($8.95) and the broccoli olio ($3.95). But everyone knows it’s the drinks that make the party, especially when it’s a party of one: Leona’s charges $12.95 for a bottle of merlot, a chardonnay blend or a pinot noir; $5.95 for six-packs of Bud, Bud Light, MGD and Miller Lite; $8.95 for sixers of Heineken, Amstel Light or Corona.

9pm With your belly full of booze, shrimp and garlic, kick back with a fabulous book (and another beer—hey, it’s not like you’re driving). Party of the Century: The Fabulous Story of Truman Capote and His Black and White Ball gives you the dirt on Capote’s infamous fete, and can psych you up to party the rest of the weekend.

11pm A chill, drunky Friday night at home is one thing, but you can’t party alone forever. Fortunately, you’ve already got people coming over tomorrow for “Saturday Night (Cabin) Fever,” a movie-viewing party featuring The Shining. As long as you’re home, e-mail a reminder.

SATURDAY

1am Time for bed! Kinda. After washing your face, your clogged pores (or shiny t-zone or wee acne breakout) continue to haunt you. You have to look your best tomorrow for the festivities. An aspirin mask is supercheap and effective. Dissolve two or three aspirins in a teaspoon of warm water. Mash into a paste, then apply where needed. Let the mask dry, and rinse off with tepid water. Now you’ll be fit for company in the morning.

1:30am Okay, it’s really time for bed.

3am The upstairs neighbors wake you up when they come in, taking a good 15 minutes to find their keys. You know this because they narrate themselves, loudly, as they find their keys, drop their coats and kick off a shoe before they’ve gone in. Never mind, they’ll get theirs.

9am Morning means breakfast. Call the regrettably named Brown Sack (3706 W Armitage Ave, 773-661-0675, call for delivery area) and order an egg sandwich ($4 with cheese, $5 if you add ham, bacon, chorizo or vegetables) and a fruit or oatmeal smoothie ($3.25).

11am Holy balls, you’ve got eight hours until people arrive (okay, nine hours; people always arrive late), and your place won’t clean itself. Get in touch with Geralex Cleaning (geralexcleaning.com, 312-942-0002; from $40/hour) to take care of your mess.

Noon You can’t have a party without music, so make a mix to get people in the mood for tonight’s screamfest. Resist the urge to include Mariah Carey’s “Breakdown,” but don’t forget the Stones’ “19th Nervous Breakdown” or John Lennon’s “Instant Karma! (We All Shine On).” Fun fact: Lennon’s song inspired the title of Stephen King’s book in the first place.

2pm The last time you checked, your refrigerator contained one beer, a box of baking soda and an empty Brita pitcher. While you’ll order food and booze when your guests begin arriving, it won’t hurt to have some groceries (and maybe an antacid or two) on hand when the party gets into full swing. You can phone, fax or e-mail a grocery list to the Gold Coast location of Whole Foods (30 W Huron St, 312-932-9600; $15.95 fee) for delivery 11am to 6pm Monday through Saturday.

3pm A few pals e-mail to say they can’t make it for The Shining, and you ask them to pencil you in for Sunday instead, inviting them over for afternoon board games, beer and barbecue. That’s right, this is going to be a two-party weekend.

5pm Preparty primping begins in earnest. Go along with the theme and put on your coziest flannel. Ladies, do your hair à la Shelley Duvall and part it down the middle, letting it hang limply; dudes, bust out the mousse for a full-on Jack Nicholson freakout.

7pm Your one friend who is never on time for anything (work, her own wedding) is the first to arrive. Perfect, she can help you set up for the party. You forgot to eat lunch, so call The Bagel (3107 N Broadway, 773-477-0300, call for delivery area) for some latkes ($2.25 each) and a cream soda ($2). Add some cheese blintzes ($6.95) to split with your friend.

9pm With most (if not all) of your guests in the house, you can start taking food and drink orders for Laurie’s Pizza & Liquors (5153 N Broadway, 773-784-4949, call for delivery area). Laurie’s offers pizza ($10–$24 for thin crust and pan), sandwiches, fried chicken and fried fish, as well as soda, beer, wine and hard alcohol. It’s the perfect setup for a party, especially because this place delivers until 3am. So this may be the first phone call to Laurie’s of the evening, but it will most likely not be your last.

9:15pm Let the bloodbath begin: It’s time to show the 1980 classic The Shining! See “Ax marks the spot.”

11:30pm Danny’s gift for seeing the future is pretty, uh, killer, so after the movie you hire your own Shining expert, psychic Barbara G. Meyer (bgmeyer.com; $200 for the first hour, $100 per additional hour), to read palms or tarot cards (or both). Unlike Danny, however, Meyer specializes in telling fortunes with a positive spin, and is quick to boot: She can do up to ten readings in an hour.

SUNDAY

1am After the psychic ends her last session by telling your friend he’ll come into a great deal of money (which he better share with you), it’s time to get back to freewheeling party mode. Check alcohol levels, then reorder from Laurie’s as needed. Clear the dance floor and crank the tunes. Should the upstairs neighbors complain, invite them down for a nightcap (that Laurie’s order should be on its way).

3am Considering the late hour, it may be prudent to dim the lights, find people’s coats, and start calling cabs. If you’ve still got the energy, clean up a little bit—you’ll be glad you did tomorrow.

5am Sleep! You’ll need your energy for tomorrow’s follow-up fest.

11am Wake up. You don’t feel so well. Close your eyes again and lie very still.

1pm Nothing like beer, board games and barbecue to cure a hangover. (See “Win, lose or drink” for the latest, greatest games.) Have your friends bring over the beer while you take care of the barbecue by calling Honey 1 BBQ (2241 N Western Ave, 773-227-5130, call for delivery area). Go for the tips-links combo ($16 for the X-large, which serves three to four), a full slab ($17.99) for sharing and don’t forget the fried okra ($3.25). Sure, it’s fried, but it is a vegetable, yes?

4pm See if anyone wants to split a slice of white-chocolate cheesecake ($4.75) or a whole Dutch toffee-apple pie ($11.95) delivered from Marcello’s (645 W North Ave, 312-654-2550, call for delivery area). There’s nothing like dessert to solidify friendships—just ask the Golden Girls. Have your fill, then get back to the games.

7pm Stop game play for The Simpsons. Protesters can go and do the dishes—as host, you reserve the right to stop activity for any Simpsons-related interruptions.

7:30pm Still hungry, but in search of something light? Get on the horn with Spoon Thai (4608 N Western Ave, 773-769-1173, call for delivery area). Try the cucumber salad ($2.50) to clear the palate, and the chicken tom yum soup ($3.25) for some nourishing spice and heat.

10pm You’re way past the 48-hour mark, so escort your guests to the door. Put away the leftovers, and resist the temptation to blast Semisonic’s “Closing Time” as you get ready for bed. You’ve already pissed off the neighbors enough this weekend.