Local news

I’ll be honest. I’ve thought about moving. California. Portland. Somewhere nicer, where the sun and January don’t sleep in separate bedrooms. Don’t get me wrong: I love the winter, I’m a Midwesterner through and through, but sometimes the winter really gets to me. Seasonal Affective Disorder. Or I Hate Soggy Socks Syndrome. Whatever you want to call it. Point is: The market collapsed, so forget about it. Thanks for the subprime-sized dick up my ass, you credit-default-swapping so-and-sos.

Now I’m just waiting for carrots to cost $50 per. Egad.

NEXT>>