Heard on the street, April 14, 2011, edition

Check it out: The Slinger has its own Wiki entry.

You know, I dress her up like Pocahontas and do the John Smith thing.

Don’t you know they have the same target audience: teenagers and gay guys?

My dog farts—and she doesn’t have butt cheeks!

If I go to Alaska, you’re coming with me. We’re gonna get you a big-ass down coat and a fluffy suit, and you’re coming with me. Do I make myself clear?

Do you have to lick a pee-pee to have fun?

We only wanted to do stuff in front of people.

He said he whacks off to my mom.

Look at you, walking around, sticking out your cootie cat.

That joke isn’t funny and not because it’s racist.

I need to start stalking someone.

The thought of John Malkovich eating you out is frightening.