Detox your...relationship

Rub one out Detox your muscles and your emotional connection at the same time with Spa Space’s couples massage and teaching workshop, “The Art of Touch.” Each of you will, in turn, receive a four-hands massage (from your partner and the therapist) and hands-on massage lessons (which you’ll practice on your partner). Spa Space, 161 N Canal St, (312) 466-9585. El: Green to Clinton. Bus: 14, 20, 56. 90 min, $160 per couple.

Take a flier Yoga might be the ultimate stress-detox, so what could be better than doing it together? The acro in Acroyoga stands for acrobatic, so this is not for newbies (unless you want to spend your bonding time in the ER). But for a couple of experienced yogis, this guided practice offers a playful yoga-meets-trust-exercises approach that includes “therapeutic flying,” where one partner balances on the other’s outstretched legs and feet. Urban Lotus Yoga, 2950 W Chicago Ave Suite 201, (773-278-4122). Bus: 52, 66, 82. Mondays, 7:30pm, $15 per class per person.

Get cookin’ If what’s toxic isn’t your relationship, but rather the same-old meals you’re cooking together (mac and cheese again?), get thee to the Wooden Spoon. This indie cookware shop has a staggering variety of couples classes (like “Cook for 2: Me & You). Bonus: It’s BYOB, so you can sip while you chop—and while you eat the tasty results at the end of class! The Wooden Spoon, 5047 N Clark St, (773) 293-3190. El: Red to Argyle. Bus: 22, 50, 92. $65–$85 per person per class.

Add a little bump to your daily grind Put some heat back in your night out (and maybe your subsequent night in, eh?) with the naughty—but not vulgar—monthly midnight show from Belmont Burlesque. Old-style striptease and vaudeville-style gags are packed together in this long-running show that’s considered a classic of Chicago’s burlesque-revival scene. The Playground Theater, 3209 N Halsted, (773) 871-3793. El: Red, Brown, Purple (rush hrs) to Belmont. Bus: 8, 77. One Saturday a month at midnight, $10.

Cut a rug Ever since you made that New Year’s resolution, the two of you have been planning to get more exercise. And what about that resolution you made to get out more together? Kill two birds with one sexy stone at Chicago Dance’s salsa-dancing lessons. Complete novices are welcome—you’ll be storming the salsa clubs in no time! Chicago Dance Irving Park, 3660 W Irving Park Rd, (773) 267-3411, El: Blue to Irving Park. Bus: 53, 80; Chicago Dance River North: 415 W Huron St , (312) 337-9503. El: Brown, Purple (rush hrs) to Chicago. Bus: 11, 66. $126 for a 7-week course.

Have a giggle fit Stressed out? Laugh it off as a couple, at iO’s long-running musical comedy Cupid Has A Heart On, playing every Saturday at the Del Close Theater, which pays tribute to romance in the “City of Big Shoulders.” But make no mistake: With songs about masturbation, one-night stands and genitalia, this Cupid aims to penetrate more than just your heart. iO Del Close Theater, 3541 N Clark, (773) 880-0199. El: Red to Addison. Bus: 22, 152. Saturdays at 10:30pm, $20.

Scaring is caring Recharge your bond with your snookums the old-fashioned way: using fear. If you two aren’t clutching each other for emotional support at the end of the two-and-a-half-hour Chicago Hauntings Signature Ghost Tour, you must not have been paying attention (hopefully because you were making out). You’ll visit four sites where alleged horrific deaths and paranormal sightings have taken place. When we boarded the black tour bus, we were deeply skeptical. When we got off it, we were deeply shaken. Meet at Clark and Ontario Sts; (800) GHOST-91. El: Red to Grand. Bus: 22, 65, 125. Schedule changes by season, check chicagohauntings.com for days and times. $28.

Good not-at-all-clean fun Some couples relight the spark by watching porn together—but why not try viewing a little soft-core fun in the flesh? Spin Nightclub’s Shower Contest is all about selling sex (and, arguably, good hygiene). The lineup changes weekly; sometimes it’s men, sometimes it’s women and sometimes couples (yum). Despite the artfully draped towels, we can still count on a nice peek at our favorite parts. Spin, 800 W Belmont Ave, (773) 327-7711. El: Brown, Purple (rush hrs), Red to Belmont. Bus: 8, 22, 77. Every Friday at midnight, free.

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