Heard on the street, January 12, 2012, edition

Oh, yeah, this place is much better since it burned down.

Eating vegan and eating everything in sight balances out.

I like the naughty stories; they’re more gooder.

That’s manscaping, bro.

I grew up eating dirt off the side of my house.

“Why can you have your Kindle out on the train but I can’t have my iPad?” “Because no one wants a Kindle.”

What if the robot uprising is just gay robots?

I can feel one tiny hair in my bra! And then I can find it.

Come on, hippie, get in that cab!

Who do you love more, me or the Apple corporation?

Do you want to come with me to give butter to Dave?

At work, you definitely don’t swallow.

Nah, we don’t need no mixers. I said no fucking mixers!