Heard on the street, February 9, 2012, edition

Racists probably don’t go to Bleeding Heart; they don’t care about gluten.

If I could wear war paint on my face all day, I totally would.

Maybe he’s protecting you from his small penis.

If you guys want lessons in being the center of attention, I know someone.

It’s not a fact if you can’t google it.

Walking into that place is like getting punched in the face with a cat turd.

This poutine is amaze-balls.

Dude, I love DJ Sex Weasel!

So, what’s your favorite Kevin Costner movie?

“He was going bald, too.” “Yeah, and then he died of pancreatic cancer.”

Cute socks are really expensive!

You keep lookin’ at her like that and you will be arrested for eyeballing.