Heard on the street, May 10, 2012, edition

How many Weight Watchers points is weed?

There’s this guy who knows everything. He’s the manager of Wal-Mart.

Loved the house I built but hated my Sims.

I decided to keep the shirt! I googled this cotton thing, and it shrinks like a mo-fo.

Do they even make toaster pastry anymore?

Now their cat’s on Prozac and it’s fine.

He does coke off glory-hole dicks.

If only we could be Cher and turn back time right now.

What’s the movie where they punch the guy in the nuts? You were with me when we saw it in theaters.

Who posts a status about someone getting peed on?

I loved Bruce Willis when he was in some recorded play that he was in.

She’s like a lost puppy—but with guns.