Heard on the street, December 6, 2012

As soon as it hits the back of your throat, you realize this ain’t yo’ grandma’s pumpkin pie.

That’s a Rudolph nose, not a ball gag!

All I had to eat today was Honey Bunches of Oats, so that may have been why I snapped at you.

Can you turn my TV off? No wonder the Cosbys were in my dreams!

Sorry that you got teased by the chance of YouTube cleavage, Mom.

I love that you have fiber twigs in your cereal so you can make some poo logs.

Magic Mike is her two-month-old’s favorite.

I never know what personality trait you’re going to pull out of your butt.

He doesn’t have a wife. All he has is a Jack Russell.

Every light at the end of the tunnel just leads to a new tunnel.