Heard on the street, December 13, 2012, edition

I’ll forward you the e-mail chain. It’s a circle jerk of passive-aggression.

Did you know that you have seven sphincters in your body?

“She’s Always a Woman,” “She’s Right on Time”—Billy Joel just writes about women getting their periods.

I know, Mom, but goblins are one thing; penis pumps and assless chaps are another.

“Are you getting spanked tonight?” “No, I am getting Glazed and Infused.”

I just realized that the fact that I often put girl groups on when I clean is kind of sexist.

They have seven kids and they’re not religious?

No, no, no. I said hookahs, not hookers.

You’ve been harder to reach than me when the child support payments are due.