Heard on the street, December 20, 2012, edition
Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.
Getting drunk is their version of having kids.
Did someone just say genocide and laugh?
I was going to get into the ministry, but then I realized I could love God and a penis.
You’ve got a cootie up your doody shooty.
That shit keeps you skinny and gives you self-esteem.
I’d like a motorcycle, but I can’t have one because I’m a Jew.
Macaroni is like the Rodney Dangerfield of mac and cheese.
I’m sorry, I have trouble hearing girls with my underwear on.
Some red wine and yoga will fix you right up.
I get a text from this motherfucker saying he’s chained to a gurney.
So, my former TA formed a cult.
I’m a natural-born porn star, what can I say?