Heard on the street, February 14, 2013, edition

It’s fur, leather and down: It’s the turducken of hats.

You’re so skinny, veins are popping out of your head.

Sometimes, life gets up your skirt.

I’m not hungry but I really want to eat right now.

If I went back to school, I would definitely study psychology and shoe making.

Nice apartment, no real job—smells like a trust-fund kid to me.

Her face bothers me. She looks like a UFC fighter.

“You’re going to Alabama?” “No. Yo Gabba Gabba!”

He sounded hot, but, like, crackhead hot.

Blockbuster went out of business but they still think I have their copy of How to Be a Player from 1999.

“I drank Smirnoff last night.” “That makes two of us!”

“It’s near…what’s that place everyone likes in Wisconsin?” “Oh, Door County!”