Heard on the street, February 21, 2013, edition
Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.
He has carved out this hole for me to exist in, and I don’t like it. It’s dark and smelly.
I can’t tell which one of my parents fucked me up more.
That guy in the Star Trek shirt looks pregnant.
I’ve got little T. rex arms. I can’t reach back that fast and pull out my gun.
Everyone hides the crazy. Well, not everyone.
I guess you’re really good at Where’s Waldo?, huh?
It’s not your fault we got knocked up.
What happens in Muncie stays in Muncie, I guess.
Is it weird my left nipple is waaay bigger than my right one?
I could have shoved the 17-inch up there, and he wouldn’t have known.
Not until you attempt home hair-color correction will you truly know despair.