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Funny quotes overheard in Chicago.
That’s one of the reasons I’m glad I’m not a girl: I have never had to wear a bridesmaid dress.
We are prepping for the barbecue. I’m basically Paula Deen up in here—without the racism.
All were within my sight: signs that read “abusive language will not be tolerated,” a lady reading Cat Fancy and a neck tattoo of a shining sun kissing a crescent moon.
This is my impression of you: “Sorry, dude, I can’t. I’m seeing Pat Benatar at Hawthorne Racecourse.”
If you were busy, who was putting those Justin Bieber photos on your Instagram all day?
It’s Pixar, dog. Can’t go wrong with that.
Oh, snap. Guess who I’m watching on Cook County public-access TV? It’s Toni Toni Toni Preckwinkle.
I don’t go on roadtrips to learn shit!
I’m too scared of the kitchen window to have my eyes covered.
Can we maybe work on the cheeseburger puzzle?