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Remember your birthday when you got the doll cake? Yeah, that’s when I got my knees crushed.
One time, I ate too many mangoes and got a rash on my mouth.
I quit smoking when it was a buck a pack. I thought that was a lot.
She looks like Mickey Rourke, which makes me feel better about work.
I told Rick, ‘Boy, I’m sorry you gotta go home with her!’
This stripper wanted to give me a ride back, and I was like, ‘Fuck yeah!’
I think incest is trending.
You don’t get my insurance because I’m riding a fucking bike!
I just ate an apple and now I’m flossing my teeth at my desk.