Heard on the street, February 28, 2008, edition

Put on these rainbow suspenders and put your ding-dong between your butt.

Hardest working man in hobusiness.

Hey! Jackie Chan! Jackie Chan! Movie star! Hiyaaaaa! You know, Jackie Chan?

My cat likes to sleep in pants.

He’s a dirty ho but not an alcoholic.

This roomationship is over.

I don’t need to do a spit take with my mashed potatoes.

What happened to global warming, Al Gore, you fucking liar?

I was almost crippled when I finally got off.

Is that his real hair or did he buy one of those Devo wigs?

I swear David Bowie was a folk singer.

There was a shipping staple sticking out of the new bed, and he cut himself on his...you know.

Britney, Britney, Britney...Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

...and then we ended up at the Admiral, and when I woke up, I was broke.