Heard on the street
Oh my God, you would look so hot pregnant.
Their lake house is the kind of place you see on a Viagra commercial or something.
You aren’t that stacked. Why are you standing so far from the urinal?
Seeing you unable to ride your bike everywhere is like seeing a pelican covered in crude oil.
So now I talk to my daughter like she’s a girl I’m dating.
“You went on a date with Derek Jeter?” “That was, like, four years ago.”
When it gets to Hitler, it’s always amusing.
I wanna see Jenny catch a shrimp in her tits.
The one thing you don’t want to do is wake up next to your friend in prison.
I don’t need much knee hair.
Once people start talking about boobs, you can’t stop looking.
I don’t want to be cremated because if there is a zombie apocalypse, I don’t want to miss out on all the fun.