Faux Loko
Bowing to FDA pressure, Chicago-based Phusion Projects is taking the caffeine out of its sickeningly sweet, neon-colored malt liquor drink Four Loko. Don't pout, Four fanatics: We found six bar brews sure to quench your caffeine-and-alcohol thirst.
Coffee Ay-Ay, $12. Loko factor: 22%
Cocktail connoisseurs will scoff at the comparison, but this chilled concoction (ruby port, housemade coffee syrup, rum, whole egg, nutmeg), courtesy of Violet Hour (1520 N Damen Ave, 773-252-1500), tastes like a deliciously spiked Starbucks Frappuccino.
Coffee Ay-Ay, $12. Loko factor: 22%
Cocktail connoisseurs will scoff at the comparison, but this chilled concoction (ruby port, housemade coffee syrup, rum, whole egg, nutmeg), courtesy of Violet Hour (1520 N Damen Ave, 773-252-1500), tastes like a deliciously spiked Starbucks Frappuccino.
Boston Martha, $12. Loko factor: 35%
If Four Loko is a McDonald’s cheeseburger, this creation from Sepia (123 N Jefferson St, 312-441-1920) is a rare truffle. The delicate drink’s mild caffeine kick comes from oolong tea that steeps for three hours in Bushmills Irish whiskey, which is then combined with yellow chartreuse liqueur, honey, lemon, an egg white and orange bitters.
Berlin Bomb, $3. Loko factor: 60%
How does Berlin (954 W Belmont Ave, 773-348-4975) keep the dance floor filled with freaks until four in the morning? It’s partially due to this primitive but popular just-can’t-stop shot of Bacardi rum (choose from several flavors) swimming in a golden pool of Roaring Lion energy drink.
Jimi On Acid, $12. Loko factor: 74%
You won’t see it on the drink list at the Martini Bar (401 S LaSalle St, 312-377-6111), but weary commuters craving a sweet jolt before hopping on the Metra at LaSalle Street Station ask for the Hendrix-themed potion by name. Garnished with flowers, the simple mix (Hypnotiq, Patrón, Red Bull, fresh lime juice, simple syrup) makes trippin’ home a little less “Manic Depression,” a little more “Purple Haze.”
The Trifecta, $5. Loko factor: 85%
A shot of espresso and a shot of Jameson whiskey hide in a pint glass beneath a foamy Guinness head. At Handlebar (2311 W North Ave, 773-384-9546), the bike messenger regulars know the potent night-black brew as an instant hangover buster.
Texas Mocha, $8. Loko factor: 91%
It appears harmless—aww, cute, whipped cream!—but don’t mess with the Texas Mocha. A warm addition to the menu at the Southern(1840 W North Ave, 773-342-1840), the muscular coffee-tequila-Kahlua combo requires slow sipping. And that innocuous-looking whipped cream? It’s laced with Grand Marnier.
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